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Women are much less likely to lose
their scruples once they get them. They will keep them in their purse
where they are always available if they need them.
(Suggested quantity 10-20 scruples / 1 to 2 coins) |
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Men keep their
scruples in their pants. What more needs to be said?
Obviously men need more scruples than women.
(Suggested quantity 70 scruples or more based on one coin
for every pair of pants owned.)
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Spouse
It is well known that your spouse only has about half the scruples that
you do. This is obvious every time that you have an argument.
(Suggested quantity is 2 times whatever you buy for yourself.) |
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Lover
Double the recommendation for a spouse.
(Suggested quantity is 4 times whatever you buy for yourself.)
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Parents
They're Mom and Dad! They don't need you buying them any scruples.
They gave you all the scruples that you probably have. With that said,
take a look at the number of scruples that you personally need. If
you need a lot then consider 10 to 20 for Mom and Dad.
(Suggested quantity is any quantity they ask for; remember they
gave you life.) |
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In-Laws
We suggested you leave this one alone. You're bound to get screwed
no matter how many you give them. Some deficits can't be overcome.
(Suggested quantity is ZERO, but leave some lying around the house
and maybe they will pick up some scruples.) |
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Grandparents
Be careful with Grandparents. You are likely to get an ..."In my day
we didn't buy scruples we bought indulgences..." conversation.
(Suggested quantity is buy them 10 scruples and see how it goes.) |
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Older Brother or Sister
The truth is you never really understood them when you are were growing up
so use their occupation as a guide instead.
(Suggested quantity is 40 to 50 scruples but we recommend basing it
upon their occupation.) |
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Younger Brother or Sister
Just buy extra for yourself. They will take yours without asking anyway.
(Suggested quantity is 2 to 3 times more for yourself, just to get
them started.) |
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1st Born
They are over achievers. It is hard to say whether they have scruples or not.
(Suggested quantity is 10. They have money. If they want more then
let them buy their own.) |
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Middle Child
They don't call them the problem child for nothing. They are typically pretty
needy but they have fragile egos.
(Suggested quantity is to initially buy them exactly what you bought
yourself, don't ask for trouble. Then at a later time buy them 2 or 3
hundred.) |
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Youngest Child
There is a reason they are called the happy child. They often need
a lot of scruples.
(Suggested quantity is 100 to 500 depending on just how happy
they are.) |
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Best Friend
For them to remain your best friend you better make sure they always have scruples.
(Suggested quantity is 10 to 20 scruples every time you tell them a secret.) |
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Co-worker
Co-workers exist for your amusement. There are two good ways to amuse
yourself at your co-workers expense.
- Give them 10 scruples and say something like this, "Your life must not be too exciting because when we took up a collection nobody thought you needed anymore than this."
- Give them as many scruples as you can afford and say something like
this, "I was going to take up a collection to buy you 10 or 20 scruples...
Anyway, here is all 460. I was really surprised how many people thought
you needed scruples."
(Suggested quantity is go with plan #2. You can milk that one for
years to come.) |
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Accounting/Finance
Make sure that you give them an even number of coins so that they
can stack them into nice even piles. For instance, 80 scruples can be
stacked into 4 piles of 2 or 2 piles of four. This will entertain them
for hours.
(Suggested quantity is 80 but think how much fun they could have
with 160 scruples.) |
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Advertising/PR
This is a group that is well known to have few scruples. It is hard
to predict whether a gift of any size would make much of a difference.
(Suggested quantity is give them 10 or 20, let them know that
they can get scruples minted with a
corporate logo on them, and then pray for a conversion.) |
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Arts/Entertainment/Publishing
These people are easily swayed they listen to astrologers. Your gift
will have the most potential impact with this group.
(Suggested quantity is 100 to 250 scruples but check which way
the stars are aligned first.) |
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Clerical/Administrative
This depends on whether or not they work directly for you or not. If
they work for you then it is in your best interest to make sure they
have the same amount of scruples as you do and vice versa.
Remember, they do your expense account and they know everything that
goes on.
(Suggested quantity is 200. This may seem high but it has been
shown that clerical and administrative people with scruples get promoted
quickly. A boss who doesn't have scruples can't fire them, they know too
much. Their only chance is to promote them.) |
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Education/Training
These people are the unsung heroes and they are typically not rewarded
very well. Here is your chance to make amends and at the same time
insure that they pass on the proper values.
(Suggested quantity is 80 or more; however, this should be doubled
if they teach high school.) |
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Engineering
Engineers typically don't need more than 10 or 20 scruples but you
should buy them a bunch so that they at least have the illusion that
their life is exciting.
(Suggested quantity is 10 to 20 based on need but we recommend
humoring them with a gift of 100.) |
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Health care
This group typically has a lot of scruples already. However, they have
to deal with insurance companies on a daily basis and are in constant danger
losing theirs.
(Suggested quantity is 120 but send them 10 each month as an insurance
vaccine.) |
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Insurance
This group actually believes that they already have scruples so we
recommend that you don't buy them any because it will just feed into
their delusion. Also, we suggest that you don't even let them know that
you have scruples yourself or they will try to sell you a policy for them.
(Suggested quantity is 0 and keep yours a secret.) |
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Legal
Lawyers are an easy target for jokes because there are many who don't
have any scruples but the truth is that there are also a few who do.
Use some common sense in your approach. If the lawyer is a public
defender then they might only need a 100 or so to keep them honest. On
the other hand, if they are an ambulance chaser then 2,000 to 3,000
should probably slow them down enough that they can't catch the ambulances any
more.
(Suggested quantity is typically 150 but it can go up into the thousands
depending on the individual. A second approach is that if you have to
make settlement to a un-scrupulous lawyer then pay them in scruples and
not cash. I bet if you asked the judge he/she would let you do it.) |
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Manufacturing
People in manufacturing tend to have scruples already.
Buy them 10 or 20 and a magnifying glass so that they can marvel at the
craftsmanship of Russian born medalist Alex Shagin. They will
feel solidarity with someone who tried to stand up for his rights
as a craftsman and was promptly fired.
(Suggested quantity is 10 to 20 scruples and a magnifying glass.) |
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Politicians
Just imagine what might happen if people started giving their tax deductible
contribution in scruples instead of cash. If enough people did it then
they just might get the message.
(Suggested quantity is at least 10-20 for every municipality they serve.) |
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Public Sector
They already have scruples or they wouldn't be in the public sector.
Buy them a bunch so that they can give them out to their private sector
friends in hopes of conversion.
(Suggested quantity 10 for each of their public sector friends,
which means that you probably don't need to give them more than 20.) |
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Sales
No other profession can benefit more by getting scruples than people
in sales. Even if you have scruples, your customers won't believe you.
With a simple purchase, you now have the opportunity to prove to them that
you do have scruples! On the other hand, if you currently are lacking
then you probably wouldn't know what to do with scruples even if you had
them. We suggest that you check out the usages
page.
(Suggested quantity is at least 200. It is going to take a lot to
convince anybody that someone in sales has scruples.) |
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TV/Radio Talk Show Hosts
This depends on the talk show host. It runs the gamut from Oprah, Rosie
O'Donnell, and National Public Radio (NPR) who have them to Howard Stern
and Jerry Springer who don't.
(Suggested quantity is 10 to 20 for those hosts with scruples to let
them know that you value their show and an extra 30 to to 40 during sweeps
week just to keep them honest. Never allow Howard Stern to get
scruples. Whether you like him or not, he is an original and you don't
try and change an original, unless you are part of the religious right.
If you are trying to change him then 200,000 or so might begin to have
an impact.) |